I would be really interested in reading something about communicating with men. My boyfriend doesn't usually share his feelings; he's the type to let them all bottle up and then explode when one thing gets too far. How can you have better communication when you have a person who's not quick to share his feelings? I know my guy isn't the only male that does this.
Red Says:
Communication is somehow always an issue not only in romantic relationships, but also in families, workplaces, friendships, etc. It's kind of not surprising though when you see so many aspects of society telling you to make sure you are heard at any cost. Sorry. Had to throw in my 2 cents there.
Anyway, I found this article about communication and found it easy to get through. Also, there were some things in there that I had learned growing up too. You'll probably have to ease your boyfriend into using some of these tactics as he may feel cornered or unjustly criticized at first by you just using the said "I" statements: "I feel like...", "when you...", "because...", and "I'd appreciate it if ..." For more information on how the "I" statements work, go to this article. It breaks it down pretty thoroughly.
Like I said, ease him into talking about things. Or at least, try a few times (over the course of a month or so. No one likes to be hounded 3 times a day for 7 days a week to just open up. That would make even me want to lose the will to live), and if he just opens up once without blowing up, put it in the win pile. Nothing's going to work overnight, especially if he's never experienced a girl being creative and scrappy about in getting him to talk. So be patient.
Oh yeah, and I would throw in a reward here and there for if he does make and effort to communicate without blowing up at you. Everyone likes external motivators, even guys.
Cheers!
White Says:
(Disclaimer: This entire post will be a generalization of sorts, so please bear with me).
Men are idiots and women are crazy.
You've heard probably heard that, or some version of it, several times before. Its intent is humorous, but it reflects the root of your problem, which is that men and women communicate differently.
Jack and Jill break up. Jill calls a friend and tells her how she feels. Hurt, angry, liberated... whatever they happen to be, her emotions lead her conversation. Meanwhile, Jack, playing poker with his buddies, tells them simply what happened. He'll describe the way she threw his clothes out of the window or the pulsing vein in her temple, and he may even go as far as to say "this sucks", but that's about it. Chances are, he won't begin any sentences with "I feel...".
"Crazy" women communicate with emotions, while "idiotic" men are led by logic and avoid inflicting their emotions on others. It doesn't mean they aren't as emotionally complex or aware as women are; they just prefer to work through their emotions independently. Consider the pre-GPS stereotype: men refuse to stop and ask directions. It doesn't mean they don't realize that they are lost. It doesn't mean they aren't just as eager for directions as their frustrated girlfriends. They just want to figure things out themselves.
Understanding this is key to getting your boyfriend to open up to you more. Start looking for clues in his everyday conversation.
"Crazy" women communicate with emotions, while "idiotic" men are led by logic and avoid inflicting their emotions on others. It doesn't mean they aren't as emotionally complex or aware as women are; they just prefer to work through their emotions independently. Consider the pre-GPS stereotype: men refuse to stop and ask directions. It doesn't mean they don't realize that they are lost. It doesn't mean they aren't just as eager for directions as their frustrated girlfriends. They just want to figure things out themselves.
Understanding this is key to getting your boyfriend to open up to you more. Start looking for clues in his everyday conversation.
-When he comes home and tells you that he had a bad day at work, he is feeling stressed and needs reassurance. Ask him, "do you feel like your hard work isn't being appreciated?"
-If he remarks on the astronomical electric bill, he's worried about money. Ask him "are you worried about money?"
-When he calls you beautiful, he's generally not commenting on just your appearance. Tell him "you're not so bad yourself".
Once he understands that you're speaking his language, he'll start to learn yours.
As with learning any new language, however, he'll need a few vocabulary lessons first. Lead by example. If you find yourself telling him about an argument you had with a friend, ask him how he would feel if he were in your situation, so that he can practice verbalizing emotions. Do not ask him what he would do -- that's counterproductive.
As with learning any new language, however, he'll need a few vocabulary lessons first. Lead by example. If you find yourself telling him about an argument you had with a friend, ask him how he would feel if he were in your situation, so that he can practice verbalizing emotions. Do not ask him what he would do -- that's counterproductive.
Good luck!!
Now that you've heard our 4 cents, feel free to chip in. Tell us in the comments: what have you done to open the lines of communication in your relationships?
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